Death & Dying | Dealing With The Loss Of A Parent
62death and dying
There is a very hard time we all must go through during our lives. It is when we lose our parents. It is the worst feeling one can have, especially as a young person. Why? When you're young your parents are there for you. Parents are the natural protectors of children.
death of a father
I went off to college and was living on my own for almost three years when my dad died. It destroyed me. It doesn't matter if you live at home or not. At age 20 you're still very dependent on your parents. Just the idea that they're there to help you if something really goes south, you know you have their unquestionable support and backing. Well, when my dad passed away it was very traumatic and completely unexpected.
He was the most vivacious, kind human being. He taught me everything I know and was my best friend. My words cannot begin to do justice for this man, who he was, and what he meant to me. He was magnetic in character, oozing with charisma, sensitive to the plight of others, and compassionate above all else. He was a brilliant guy, achieving two doctoral degrees and writing eleven books. He was a gifted educator.
losing a loved one
The following are some tips I have come up with through this experience in order to help others who are dealing with the loss of a loved one.
- Be thankful. It was a true privilege that I got to spend twenty years with my father. There are people who have more time with parents that they don’t get along with. So, put it all in perspective and appreciate the quality of the relationship, not the quantity of time you did or didn’t have with them.
- Think about what they taught you while they were here. Think about what legacy you can continue with your life, and this acknowledgement will give you the hope you need to survive this experience.
- Seek support. Find someone in your family, circle of friends, or a therapist to help you get back on your feet. Getting help is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of humanity.
- Take care of yourself. Give yourself credit for your strength you have for getting through this. If you feel sometimes like no one understands what you’re going through, remind yourself that the relationship you lost will be yours to cherish.
- Try not to make any big life decisions for the first year. This is a tumultuous time, and you shouldn’t have any more to think about than you already do.
Hope this helps. If you have any stories you’d like to share, or if you have any other tips, let me know.
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Hey there. I was looking for stuff like this when I was going through it. Hope some find it comforting.
This hub is likely really needed by many. You did a great job in providing those tips, your tip #5 would not ever have occurred to me but it makes sense. Vote up.
Matt, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. Writing about it is not only good therapy, but it also is your way of sharing to help others who are going through the same thing. This shows your fine character with your willingness to share. And you have done an excellent job at putting your feelings into words. I voted up, useful and awesome.
Thanks Phil, #5 i heard from a family friend, and it impressed me enough to include. Losing someone, one needs time to heal and not get caught up in the added pressures that come with change.
Glenn, i appreciate your kind words! Thank you for the votes.
Best, Matt D
I agree with you that the death of a parent is very hard for a young person to overcome. I was fifteen when my father died and I am still coping. I think about him every day. Good advice.
I think the teenage years are some of the most difficult, and not conducive to dealing with grief. We are still developing in every way, and we havent accomplished as much. I'm sorry for your loss. Its been 2+ years for me, and i feel similarly. Best wishes, Matt
Matt,
I was struck by your description of your father...he was an awesome man who could probably only bring forth an awesome son. Never forget that, for therein lies your treasure...run with it and honor him in all that you do.
Carla
Hi Carla,
Thanks for the kind words, and the helpful hints.
Best, Matt D
Thanks for your post. I lost my father when I was six and my mother became both parents. She passed away almost a week ago and I am finding it difficult to deal with. Yes I had 46 years with her but it still doesn't seem enough. Your words are comforting and your hints will be helpful in these next few months.You are very correct when saying the quality of the years is what counts not the quantity and I am honored to have been a part of her life.
Ruth
Thanks rk, it's comforting for me as well reading your words. Yes, I still believe that quality is more important than quantity, but I'm sure it is still tough having lost someone after having them there so consistently for so long. I hope you find some good resources during this tumultuous time. Oh, and one of my favorite quotes that has stuck with me is, "Don't judge your feelings". If you are feeling bad ever, remember that it's normal. Hope that meant something.
Mrs. Menagerie Level 3 Commenter 11 months ago
Hi Matt, great tips for a difficult subject. Many can relate and appreciate. I'm glad you could write about it.